Holding on and Letting go
by Enjoyseries
Summary: My own vision of what could happen in season 3. Do not read if you haven't watch 2x13 yet.
1. Chapter 1

She's known the minute that man appeared from the darkness that her life was in danger. She's known she was trapped, she was on her own without anyone 9*+to protect her and she would have never run away from the enemy anyway.

Yet she was afraid, her muscles were tense and she had tried to stay at a reasonable distance. Perhaps she could have reason him, if only he had let her the chance. But what she saw in his eyes was pure madness and hatred; hatred against _her._

Perhaps she should have run away after all. _Yeah, perhaps._ She thought lying on the floor, trying to keep pressure on her wound.

She was a doctor; she knew very well what would follow if no one came to her aid. Soon her body would be numb, her mouth would be filled with blood, she would sink into sleep,… Soon she would bleed to _death._ If only someone had heard the gunshot, _if only…_

Seconds seemed like hours, and she could feel the pressure she had tried to maintain on her wound slowly being reduced until her hand finally drifted off on the floor.

'Rachel!' She heard a man voice screaming her name and saw her Captain rushing to her side.

'To-om.' She managed to say.

'Shh, it's okay. I'm right here.' He softly said, trying to keep his cool. He immediately took off his jacket, and placed firmly against her wound; the pressure made her moan in pain. She saw his horrified look; she thought it must be really bad. He couldn't stop looking at all this blood, everywhere on her dress and his jacket. She hardly raised her bloody and shaky hand and gently encircled his wrist with her fingers. She wanted him to look at her, and he did. He plunged his gaze into hers; they both saw the fear in each other's eyes.

'What the hell happened?' He whispered almost desperately to her. A few minutes ago, she was standing and smiling in front of him, both flirting and most important she was _safe_.

'There was a gu-guy.' She inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to focus on him. 'He wanted the cure, from me. Then he shot me.' She said these last words in a whisper, her eyes slowly closing.

'Stay with me, Rachel. Don't sleep, open your eyes.' He said loudly.

'I'm tired.' She mumbled but fought to keep her eyes open.

'Don't you dare falling asleep on me!'

'Aye, Captain.' She chuckled a bit, making him smirk too.

'You're gonna be okay, Rachel. You're gonna get through this.' He whispered almost inaudibly. She didn't know if he said that to reassure her, or himself. She felt the metallic taste in her mouth; she could taste her own blood. _It's just a matter of minutes._ She thought.

'I'm sorry, for everything.' She said, closing her eyes. He couldn't fight his tears anymore, and let them fall.

'Please, stay awake.' He almost begged her. He felt so powerless right now, kneeling to her side, keeping pressure on her wound as blood didn't stop flowing though. She opened her eyes once last time, looking at him and slightly smiled. _Goodbye, Tom_. She thought.

Her vision was blurry then dark. She heard him scream her name and she thought hearing Tex's voice and maybe Rio's too but it was far, far away.

Maybe she had dreamed it. Yeah, maybe she had.

TBC (or not)


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I wasn't expecting so much good feedback. Thank you so much for letting me reviews, it really helped me to find motivation to write the next chapter! I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my mothertongue, I do my best!**

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He had been staring at his hands for hours now. He'd washed them again and again, even when all the blood was gone. He had lost Darien, he couldn't even think about losing Rachel too.

He shouldn't have let her go, he should have done something, should have told her what she meant to him, he should have made sure she had returned to her room safely.

He couldn't stop turning this mess in his head. He couldn't stop playing it again and again, like a horror movie without an end.

 _'We heard a gunshot, what-?' Tex ran towards Tom and stopped abruptly when he saw Rachel lying on the floor, with Tom's hands covered with blood on her chest. Rios who was just behind Tex came to his side and kneeled next to Rachel and checked her pulse._

 _'I got a pulse, but we need to do it quickly.' He gently lifted her on the side. 'The bullet didn't get through. She needs surgery.' He took off his own jacket, torn it off, passed it around her and tried to tight it but Tom didn't move his hands. He glanced at him but he still didn't react._

 _'Captain?' He insisted._

 _Tom was pressing hard on her wound, his look locked on her face. The doc could see in his eyes he was chocked and had lost his cool. Tex approached him, and placed a hand on his shoulder._

 _'Tom, you have to let go.' He finally came back to his sense and got up with a hard look on his face._

 _'Block all exits. I want nobody getting in or out. Find me who did this, NOW!' He ordered._

 _Green had arrived just in time to hear Captain's orders. Lt. and Tex nodded then ran towards the reception room._

 _Even if it'd happened a few hours earlier, some memories were blurred between panic and adrenaline. They took her to the nearest hospital, both aware that it was her only chance to survive. He still didn't know who to thank -luck or any god- for the fact that this hospital was the most sophisticated one in the area, which had remained in good state to take care of this kind of trauma._

 _Having to let go of her hand and watch her leaving from behind two hinged doors was much harder than he had imagined_.

'Captain Chandler.' Rios called him for a second time, putting him out of his thoughts. Tom quickly stood up on his feet, trying to not appear too panicked.

'How is she?' He almost didn't dare asking.

'She's stable. The bullet didn't hit vital organs, just some muscle and two ribs. But I must be honest, we almost lost her; she went into cardiac arrest during the operation.'

'Can I see her?'

He nodded. 'But she's still unconscious and she probably won't wake up until hours. Actually, it's up to her now.'

'Thanks, doc.' Tom said. Rios saw all the emotions in his look, his blue eyes piercing his soul. He knew he really meant it.

He led him to the hallway in which was Doctor Scott's room and then let him some time alone. He stayed a few minutes standing in the corridor, unable to move or walk to the room. He was afraid of what he would see inside, he wasn't sure he could take it anymore.

After two deep breaths, he moved forward and opened the door slowly. There she was; laying on that bed, looking so fragile and pale, her left arm in a sling. He approached carefully, took a chair and came to sit on her right side, quietly. He ran his hand across his weary face, relived to see her alive. He stared a few moments at her chest, slowly rising and falling. He saw a clip sensor on her right index, linking her to a monitor with regular beeps incessantly ringing in his head.

He wanted to touch her, make her feel he was right here with her; he needed the touch but he was afraid to hurt her. He gently and carefully imprisoned her hand between his, and lowered his head to rest his forehead on the top of their linking limbs. He felt tears coming up, a sob going through his body like a tsunami destroying everything in its path. He tried to contain it somehow, but let some tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't let go; he had to be strong, now more than ever, for her, for them. He looked up and swallowed the sob, inhaled deeply then looked back at her. He suddenly felt an immense wave of guilt, for everything he had done or hadn't done, said or hadn't said. _Everything._

'Come one, Rachel.' He whispered. 'You have to wake up, there's still so much things to live.'

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm deeply sorry for the late delay. This past few weeks had been quite crazy for me and I couldn't find any time to write the next chapter. I hope you'll still read it, and I thank all of you for your patient and kindness. I'm not quite proud of this chapter, but I had to post something so here it goes.**

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 _Everything was white; the ground, the walls. There wasn't a sound. He was wearing his navy uniform, and was walking not knowing where to go. He was looking for her, but there was no clue where she was. There was no escape, he was trapped. He wanted to run but his legs didn't want to go any further. He looked around - turned left and then right - and suddenly she appeared, her body lying on the floor in a big pool of blood. She was looking at him, begging him to come closer and begging him for his help. She was suffering and alone, and he couldn't stand it. He yelled her name, and took all his strength to move his feet. He finally started running, but the more he approached her, the more she seemed to go away. And then suddenly everything went black._

The nurse entered the room, slamming the door not on purpose. The sound made him jump and woke up him immediately.

'Sorry, Sir.' The nurse apologized. He nodded, and then passed a hand on his face as the tiny woman walked to the other side of the bed to check on Rachel's state.

'You should get some rest, Sir.' She said.

'I'm fine, thank you.' He tightened his grip on her hand. There was no way he would leave her alone. He felt so guilty; he wanted to do something, take her pain away, and yet he was powerless. All he could do was waiting. He hated those kinds of situations where he wasn't controlling things. Everything was messing inside of his brain; he was reliving the scene again and again in every possible way. What if he hadn't let her go? What if he had taken the other decision? She wouldn't be here today; if only he had made the right choice.

After the nurse left the room, he thought about what she said, and agreed with himself that a coffee wouldn't hurt anyone. He would only leave her for a few minutes. He got up on his feet, feeling the pain in his back and neck, then bent down on Rachel's body and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

'I'll be right back.' He whispered near her ear, stroking her hair back in a soft brush. He threw a last glance at her and walked outside the room.

There was a coffee machine nearby, down the hall. He simply walked towards it and poured him a coffee by rote. That's when he heard footsteps that he looked around and saw him.

'How is she?' Slattery asked him.

'She's still unconscious, but she's stable.' He replied before taking a sip. 'How's the crew?'

'They're all worried, although most of them don't show it.'

'And what about the immune?'

'Nothing. I'm not quite sure we'll find him, Tom.'

'We will!' He said raising his voice in rage. Slattery didn't say a thing, and Tom lowered his head to watch his cup of coffee. 'I'm sorry.' He said in a calmer tone, realizing he had been pissed on the wrong person. The executive officer could see he was completely exhausted; he had surely been awake most of the night, watching over Rachel.

'Tom, you really should take a break.' He paused. 'I'm gonna take your place, go take a shower and get some rest.'

'I can't, Mike.' He whispered, his voice cracked at the end. 'I can't leave her.'

'Please, trust me as your friend… You'll be no need for her if you're out of strength.' They looked into each other eyes; he really couldn't go against what he said because he knew he was right. After a few seconds, he finally nodded.

'Thank you.' He said. Slattery walked past him and patted his shoulder.

* * *

 _A few hours later…_

Tom was back at Rachel's side after having followed the advice of his friend. He was still holding her hand in his, and found her skin quite hotter than the last few hours. He didn't know if it was a good sign or not, but her constant were good and he wanted to be optimist.

Even if he had tried, he didn't find sleep at his cabin. He just lied on his bed – eyes open – staring at the ceiling. As odd as it may seem, the only place he could find a little bit of sleep was on this chair. He let his head falling back, resting it on the headrest and closed his eyes. The constant beeps reassured and rocked him. As long as he heard that sound, he knew that Rachel was alive and fine. His mind slowly began to emancipate, his body relaxing by the hot shower he took earlier; he slowly drifted away. But this moment of calm was short-lived. The constant beeps sped up suddenly, making him leap to his feet. _No, no, no. Not again._ He thought.

'I NEED A MEDIC!' He screamed from the room. Nurses rushed to them, one of them pushing him back.

'You need to back off, Sir.' He let go of her hand, unwillingly, and stood back.

'She's crashing down, we need to intubate her!' The doctor shouted. Everything went so fast. Tom was standing at the back of the room, his hands on his head and was watching the scene with horror.

 **TBC...**


End file.
